I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
BRING THE BAGELS
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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