if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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