I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
