You work out of a Hotel?
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Randomize
