Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
