So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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