Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize