my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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