my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
