that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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