I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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