please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
