He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
