I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
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