Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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