trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
of course. lets lasso hookers.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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