my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
