Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I just had sex on a roof
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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