I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
