Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
