3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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