so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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