IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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