she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize