Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
