Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
