HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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