Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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