Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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