i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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