Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Cover your peen. We're going out.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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