And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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