Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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