i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
