i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
NoShamevember. You game?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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