Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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