I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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