i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
