I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
