Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
