He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Randomize
