Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Randomize
