yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I am midnight drunk by noon
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
