Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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