Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize