it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
