I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
