We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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