Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize