lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
