Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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