I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
