Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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