I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize