WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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