So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize