she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
