i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
