he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
