Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
