I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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