all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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