I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
