Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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