I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
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