Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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